I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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