I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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