remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
