haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
