bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
