omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
