I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
