I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize