I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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