I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
