That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle