weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering