I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."