PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?