soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.