is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
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I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?