quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip