TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
