he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.