We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties