So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok