i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
