when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
