just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
