East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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