i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
