They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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