I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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