im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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