You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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