Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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