this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
