They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
