watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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