Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
