Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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