She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
