I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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