I feel like abortions should bother me more
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
