after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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