you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize