He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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