Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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