Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
