HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
