FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
