I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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