I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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