those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
