Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
