Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
