So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
