did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
