I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize