We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
