I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
