I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
