Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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