if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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