just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
