didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
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WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize