$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize