i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
