I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
