Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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