last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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